Jellied Brain

You might like to know that I now have 9 friends on Facebook. However, their Superfriends application has just informed me I have zero popularity and am classified as a "wallflower". There's still work to be done then...One other exciting revelation today. I got my "Everything You Need for Teaching Psychology" catalogue from Uniview (http://www.uniview.co.uk/). Whoever would have thought one needed 1) Jellied Brain Sweets 2) A Thinking Cap (revealing one's head as uncovered brain tissue), and 3) sets of S-t-r-e-t-c-h Your Students exercises, to teach the subject. And I only have the textbook! I had wanted to order a model brain, but found that theirs were much too expensive. A pity really, if I had spent over £75 I could have had a free Obsessive Compulsive Disorder poster! I thought it was about time I gave you a recipe or two to help you understand just how wonderful having an allotment can be. Here's my farmer's wife winter casserole recipe: Get a medium sized casserole dish. Put one or two pork chops in the bottom. Add any seasonal veg from your allotment. This may be: garlic, onion, carrots, and cauliflower heads. Place a few leaves of sage and one bay leaf (also from the allotment) on top of the veg. Chop up and core an apple (either from the allotment, or brought at Apple Day...). Put this on top of veg. Add about a cup full of water and salt/pepper to taste. Put in oven at Gas Mark 2. Cook for 2 hours. Oh heck, I'll have to go now. I just realised I forgot to put the apple in.

As Chic as Chips

I'm still suffering from my cold this morning! Still, at least I've learned something very important from the Daily Mail---I've got what is called "Geek Chic". I think this means that I'm cute but I also look like I read books. That's me! I also have something to share with you about apples, as my brain accommodated new knowledge about these only in the last week. If you had asked me only a month ago which English apples I considered the best in the land, I would have answered without hesitation, James Grieve and Worcester Pearmain. Little did I know that these two had bred together (branches crossing across a misty orchard....oh, kissy, kissy!) and produced a noble offspring called Lord Lambourne who is even more delicious. So, if you're looking for an apple to plant, that's the one. Anyway, that's enough excitement for one morning. I have to sign off now because I have to tell the allotment crew I'm not coming. This will probably mean a cancellation as the leader is already off with a bad back. (For which his doctor has given him valium, can you believe? Whatever happened to good old Deep Heat and a hot waterbottle...)

Almost down in the dumps

Wednesdays are always an anticlimax here, but it's worse today because I've caught a cold. This is what happens when you mix with the hoi-palloi! So why are Wednesdays such a let-down? Because the highlight of the week, bin-emptying, happens on a Tuesday in these parts. I've been surprised to hear that in other part of the country this has not developed into the passion shown it in Cambridge. The activities begin the night before when you can hear every resident carefully aligning a large bin and the correctly coloured associated plastic container on the pavement. (Failure to do this can result in non-emptying!). We used to do this on Tuesday morning, but now we've been told we must have both bins ready for inspection at 7.00 am....even if they are not emptied until three in the afternoon. At around 5.30 pm on Tuesday you can hear everyone in the street, having returned from a hard day's work, collecting their bins, rolling them back to wherever they belong, and blessing the day when all these new regulations came into place. These collection activities can be most exciting if it has been a windy day. I once found my plastic container two streets away, and most of its contents (very light, empty plastic bottles), scattered haphazardly in neighbours' front gardens. This week's bin activities were more exciting than ever, as I noticed last week that my green bin was smelling something awful. I went out to clean it, and was just about to do so, when my neighbour warned me off. Several short people like myself, she said, had tried to clean their own bins, fallen in head first, being rescued only on their way to the dump! As luck would have it, I found an ad for a bin-cleaning service attached to the bin yesterday, so now I have signed up for a monthly, professional clean. I must say the errr...newcomers to the area round here are really finding those niche markets...

An Apple A Day...

I expect you' ve been wondering what I've been doing. On Friday I went to the allotment as usual. Getting there was a bit traumatic as I discovered I couldn't turn my windscreen wipers off. To make matters worse I was just demonstrating the problem to the clients when I accidently sprayed one of them copiously with windscreen cleaner fluid (My, that stuff travels!). Anyway I finally managed to find the 'off' position and we got down to planting our Autumn broad beans (very important to plant broad beans in the Autums so that they ripen before the blackfly come out---Aquadulce is the best sort). We also got in some fine pink garlic (much milder than the white varieties) and onion sets. I don't want to say anything more about onion sets as they are tedious. If it was up to me we wouldn't plant onion sets...Anyway the next day I discovered I couldn't turn my battery operated toothbrush off. Spooky! My much toothpaste-soiled Husband and I then argued about what we would do with the day. I suggested Swaffham, as the newspaper said they were celebrating Apple Day at the eco-tech centre there. When we got there the whole place was closed, so we spent the afternoon in Swaffham. An experience not to be missed if you want to pick up some cheap agricultural implements (but not worth it otherwise!). I mustn't be too rude as I picked up a really lovely bay tree for the allotment for under £5.00. I then realised that I hadn't mentioned Apple Day to any of you, and I'd completely forgotten about Blog Action Day---a day when all of us with Blogs were supposed to unite and write something environmental. I can't remember if I did or not....Oh blast! I finally got to the Apple Day at our Botanic Gardens. The queues just to taste a bloody apple had to be seen to be believed! I could barely get near the things, and ended up taking photos of the lovely Autumn colours instead. I've included one for you to look at.

Wogan's Willy and Other Delusions

Sorry not to have communicated for a few days, but I've been in quite a delicate state. Over Terry Wogan's wardrobe malfunction, of course. I didn't see it myself, but a large photo of the event was splashed all over the Daily Mail website (which, I must hastily add, I only visit in order to download the daily Sudoku). Anyway, there it was---too tight corderoy trousers clearly revealing a large, inter-leg dong. It reminded me too much of France, I'm afraid, where I couldn't even drive to the local market without seeing men's penises all over the place. Those Gallic frogs pee anywhere I can tell you, and it doesn't matter who's around. It was enough to drive a menopausal woman mad....And, as we know, I did go mad! Trying to get off this subject I had another frog in the living room today, it didn't pee but it pooped. How interesting this foray into the wildlife world has become! I've never seen frog poop before, let alone scooped it off the carpet. Just think what joys await you if you become an eco-warrior like myself. Oh, by the way, I've just got a new friend on Facebook who thinks he's a website. I'll have to tread carefully there....I'll tell you about my delusions another day, I think. I need a coffee.

More Pills From Dr Jekyll...

I just had to share some fabulous news. I went to the doctor this morning and discovered that in this country you can drive anything you like, where-ever you like, HOWEVER MAD YOU ARE! This is quite a revelation, and will keep quite a few people off the roads from now on, I'm sure...This was good news, but I have to say the doctor himself was acting rather strangely this morning. As he ushered me into his office he muttered 'You can only use this appointment for ONE issue. The reason I'm running late, is that the last patient wanted to discuss THREE THINGS with me!' As we were more or less on time for the appointment, this seemed a slightly odd thing to say. So, I slightly tremulously handed him the results of my last smear test (which I'd had done in France), and said, 'But you said you wanted this'. He brightened up at that point and said I merely had to ask the receptionist for a photocopy so I could take the original home. 'To have it framed?' I ventured. At this point his visage darkened to the point I thought I was never going to get any drugs out of him again! But he turned back to his computer (where he feels safe), and started clicking away. Phew! At this point I squeezed in my enquiry about the driving license, and he told me it was no problem. Then he took my blood pressure which, quite amazingly considering the stressful nature of the consultation, was still normal. I wondered whether I should offer to take his, as he seemed in such a state, but thought the better of it. Came home to find my e-mail full of things for offer via freecycle. One of these being a large number of cds, which, if you've been keeping up with me all this time, you will realise can be used as fantastic garden ornaments. Also they are useful on allotments for scaring pigeons. So, get freecycling! Also, I have a serious point. If anyone else out there, suffering from any kind of mental health problem, wants help dealing with crazy doctors, get in touch. I'll do all I can to help.

Record Breakers?

Phew!! What a day yesterday was. For the first time, I was in charge of the allotment group. What an honour! We had a ceremonial planting of three blackcurrant bushes (RHS Gold Medal Winners no less) in the new, untampered, SOFT FRUIT PLOT. I don't know if everyone really appreciated all my instructions on how to plant a bush, but we were all quite tired at the end of if all and spent most of the rest of the time setting up the tea and biscuit table. The arrival of my new pink car onto the allotment caused quite a stir---I seemed to attract every other allotment owner in the vicinity. Great Jollity and Happimosity was had by all. None of my admirers was quite Monty Don, but there's hope yet. When I got home, and after my usual viewing of Bargain Hunt, I went out and planted ALL the remaining crocuses in my garden. I don't know if so many bulbs have ever been planted in such a small patch. Perhaps I should contact the Guinness Book of Records? I went to sleep as usual dreaming of fame and instant glory. Reading my newspaper this morning (husband is here so he kindly dealt with the frogs in the living room), I noticed an article on http://www.freecycle.org/ which struck me as a very good thing to join if you want to swap leftover bulbs or any other item that you might need or have over from your gardening escapades. I joined this morning. I suggest you do too.