Frogs Ruin Elvis Lookalike Competition

Well, what I was going to write this morning has been almost totally obscured by the events of last night! I was just get comfortable, ready to watch the Elvis lookalike competition on BBC1, when a frog appeared in the living room (closely followed by a cat). A short interlude followed whilst a very fat lady was seen sprawled out on the floor trying to get the aforementioned frog in a plastic bucket so it could be returned to the pond. I'd only just sat down when the same thing happened...and it kept happening. To the extent that this morning I'm exhausted and I'VE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHO WON THE ELVIS COMP. I tell you this wildlife thing is no picnic. Anyway my main horticultural tip for today is to remind you all to buy your bulbs from a reputable dealer! As Alan Titchmarsh himself demonstrated only a few weeks ago on the Beeb, small daffodil bulbs produce only one flower (at best) per bulb, whereas large ones can produce three...I get most of my bulbs from Spalding, which is the centre of bulb growing in the UK. You probably don't know that Spalding holds the most fantastic bulb festival every spring which is as good as anything you'll see in Holland, but we Brits are not good at advertising such things. I've already planted by snake-headed fritillaries and am waiting for some rain to get my crocuses and daffs in. The fritillaries are good because you can plant them in partial shade and boggy bits and they still come up good.

Mental Health Patients Nearly Poisoned by Allotment Volunteer

Yesterday was allotment day again, and I made a mega-mistake. I washed all the mugs out with petrol! How on earth did you manage this, you ask yourself? Well, the petrol was in a washing up liquid bottle, brought for that day by the group leader to fill the lawn mower. So, I could have poisoned the 'vulnerable adults' in my care, or at the very least made them highly combustible. Luckily I realised my error and cleaned everything up before anyone drank anything. But surely you should have smelt the petrol, you say? Well, yes, I did think the smell was odd, but I thought that was down to it being very cheap washing up liquid, and decided not to make a fuss. You see, I was taught very strongly that one should never, ever MAKE A FUSS...and this is why I often keep quiet when I should speak up (like most Brits...). Only other news was that my strawberries, so lovingly planted last week, had wilted badly, due to the dry windy conditions. I do hope something manages to stay alive for next week's opening. I got home to find the crocus bulbs I'd ordered have arrived so I've now got 100 bulbs to plant in the area of an egg cup. Should be interesting.