Sunday, 25 May 2008

Skating on Thin Ice

It's been a heartbreaking week. First I went up to the allotment on Wednesday and discovered all my courgettes, half my corn, and two of my tomato plants had been killed off by an overnight frost. Then, on Friday, came the news that Monty Don had suffered a mild stroke and will no longer present Gardeners' World. I really didn't want to face my friend to tell her what had happened to her plants. Luckily, she was so sedated she examined the grizzly evidence of the brown muck that was all that was left of her squash plants with admirable aplomb. It was our leader who almost collapsed over the stricken hotbed, mumbling, 'I had no idea, there was no sign of frost in my village.' He reacted like a kind old grandpa, offering to buy me some more courgettes...not even arguing when I insisted these should be not just any old courgettes but the yellow and Italian ones I really like. Finally, of course, there's been the fiasco of the Eurovision Song Contest. Last again! I have to admit here I actually voted for the Russian entry as soon as I realised the iceskater was none other than Evgeny Plushenko who I absolutely adore beyond all measure. Bloody Terry Wogan...yes, he of the Testicular Wardrobe Malfunction... didn't even know who he was! (H and I also liked the Spanish entry as we were following all the dance moves by the end. We both thought it was the best representation of European Culture since the Chicken Song). Anyway, I think the right entry won, so there.
Oh, and another thing before I go. I had an e-mail from James suggesting I grow some carrots between the rows of onions as then they would be protected from carrot fly. James, for heaven's sake, don't you understand anything? I am not allowed to grow ANYTHING between the onions as these are the sole property of our revered leader, who is not at all possessive (unlike me).

Monday, 19 May 2008

All out war!

Don't want to talk about the allotment this week, owing to a major fracas concerning broad beans in which I was accused of i)picking the 'wrong-sized' beans and ii) being overly possessive about beans. It ended with a male person almost getting the 'wrong-sized' beans stuffed up his nostrils (where, quite incidently, far from being the wrong size, they would have been a perfect fit...). No, today I think I'll engage you with my recent trip to Lakeland as I have purchased their new 'biocide' liquid soap, which promises 'all out germ warfare', and one of their kitchen caddies for collecting my kitchen waste hygenically (You can tell I have been left slightly unhinged by H's recent experiences). The latter---kitchen caddies not husbands---are supposed to be offered free by the Council, but the last time I went in and enquired about them (going through every single cupboard in the Environmental Office with the man with the gorgeous Irish accent), there weren't any left. Despite being assured that I would be informed the MOMENT new ones came in, I have never received one. Hence, for the last six months or so, my kitchen has become ever more slippery as it has filled up with organic waste. How fortunate that my bins, with their professional cleaning service, are clean enough to eat my dinner off! And the garden is looking lovely. I'm going to try and upload some more pics onto the slideshow for you. The new clematis looks great as a backdrop for the lungworts and we have some new lush growth in the pond. I've planted some Eupatorium plants. These are supposed to be ultra attractive to butterflies, and love living in damp conditions. They are quite difficult to get hold of, but if you fancy growing them they can be found on the excellent Hayloft Plants website.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

As Sick as a Parrot

Phew. Hardly know where to start this week. First, within two hours of touching down at Gatwick after a trip to Angola, H was rushed to hospital with suspected malaria. A highly tense week ensued during which time I managed to pull the curtain rail down on my head in the living room and detach the bathroom cabinet from the wall, as well buying over 15 items from QVC (one of the symptoms of BP2 is spending money when stressed..). To top it all, we had a local radio reporter visiting the allotment on the Friday. I was highly anxious about this because our leader told me I was going to be the one interviewed and I had to say ALL THE RIGHT THINGS about our charity. As I have never in my entire life said all the right things about anything, I became very jittery but doggedly practised my intended speech all week to Roland Garros who seemed impressed enough to purr loudly at the more dramatic bits ("The week we set out to build the Victorian Hotbed was a particularly difficult one..."). However, when we actually got to the plot our leader hogged the whole thing and I was left parroting out the odd comment in a high wind. As by that time I couldn't even remember the names of the crops I'd planted, I'm sure to come over a complete moron (what's new?). Anyway, it's all come good now, as we've discovered H only has Shigella, which is a bacterial infection that causes dysentery. He's mended the house and complained loudly about the large hole in the bank account. Luckily, I can send all my mania-induced QVC purchases back. This is a good tip for all you bipolars out there...the crazy shopping is probably incurable, so make sure you do it somewhere where you get that 30 day money back guarantee!